12:11 pmListen to what my heart says
Well well, if you’ve been following my twitter regularly, you will understand how I feel right now.
You know, when you have small circle of friends (really small, less than 5 members in a group) in your life, it is a sign to show that you are safe from being gossiped or gossiping about others. The chances of you gossiping about others will be less and the chances of you being gossiped by others also may be less too (that depends on the kind of friends you are with).
So my problem here is, I’ve reduced the percentage of friends whom I wanted to gossip with because I am now being far far away from them and realised that i am only left with very few friends whom I trust. I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign because at times, there are something about them which i don’t feel right and not sure if i should discuss this to the other friends because i do not want to end up playing a bitching game and be a hypocrite. I mean, at times you have to be a hypocrite but depending on the situations. If such situation deserves you to be one, then you have to so as not to hurt others. But wheareas a situation need you to be the real friend, you have to knock some senses to your friend and tell them how you feel towards them.
Told you, I wish I could blog all it out but I just can’t seem to find the right sentence to blog. Im not talking about my poor grammar but I am here talking about human’s feeling. Yes. That’s it. I am back being self conscious so as not to hurt other’s with my ‘kind thoughts’. I always end up hurting others when I am trying to be honest and direct with them and they will also end up trying to hurt me back with their words and attitudes. It’s like never-ending! *roll eyes* I do feel hurt and i am a human being too but some people just don’t care how you feel. I know that i am a nobody but gosh, i don’t how to spit it out here.
Sometimes i don’t really know where i stand when comes to friendship. I wonder if they ever thought of all the good things that i’ve done to them but all i can only hear is “i am hurt with your words”. I mean, who dont? I am hurt too but i don’t really voice out to them because i still care for them. But when they talk, they don’t think about me. They just yell and rants about their unhappiness and what am i? A piece of garbage or what?
Frankly speaking, I don’t like to blog about happiness only and I am not good in hiding my bad flaws in the public. I just wanted to be myself and rant whatever I want without wanting to know how the world feels about me. It is okay if you dislike the way I blog because at least I am trying not to be a fake or prententious blogger who only knows how to show off their wealth butts and how fashionable you and your friends are. And then, trying to create unnecessary sentences like being sarcastic to someone you dislike in your entries. That is like 100% full of shits.
I am really tired to entertain others and give advices to them but end up, they are not listening to you and choose to do what they want. There are always a limit to everything and i am sure that we all have problems but it is a matter of how you handle it. Maybe, it is good to be a fake friend than a real friend so that you will end up praising one another without knowing any sorrows or what is so hurtful in a friendship.
You know, sometimes i feel like crying and thinking that all the good friends i once had has left me. Was it myself who got the problems or them? Of course i am not a good or perfect friend lah and there are always something which i dislike about others but do they actually know what’s the reason of me behaving like that?
Maybe i loathe of hearing or looking at the same thing again and again and jealousy arised when someone are much more better than me.
Jealousy is an evil thing which nobody can run away from it. Sometimes we don’t realise that we are actually jealous of something because we are all too egoistic and will never admit that we are just plain jealous over someone or something.
I think it is best for me to remain what i am now. I am being far away from lots of bitching and gossiping and i am left with my family to depends on. I never say that i want to throw my friends away but i prefer to have this quiet life at the moment. I am still keeping few friends in my heart right now and i just hope that one day, everything will turn out fine.
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sama ar aku..aku pun da keep a distance..i have few friend..mcm izan etc..jarang jumpa..lagi bagus..kekal lama nk mampos..
Comment by Girl — June 22, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
to girl: ya lar. i think friends yg jarang jumpa and bebual lagi senang nak jaga.
Comment by natsuki — June 22, 2009 @ 2:55 pm
Errr, for akak plak, my circle grows smaller each year
. The good point is that you treasure the frenship and the bad(?) point, maybe, you are more careful in how you phrase your word..heheh
Seriously, i can count in one hand only, the ppl I called frenz. They are there if I’m moody and wants some insights. But to tell them 100% what I’m feeling about them and my take on life, errr, tak brani
..hehe
ps.. was that you & your darling boy on bus 190, two Fridays past at around 12noonish? Akak was reading a book when I saw this young boy a few seats in front of me, kept pointing at the buildings just passed. He was so cute and then when he turned, eh, maciam pernah nampak eh? He was so curious about the buildings eh? Mummy pon lawa & cute jugak ..LOL..
Comment by akak saly — June 22, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
to Kak Saly: thanks for sharing ur thoughts about friends. hehe. anyway bus 190? that was at jur area or wat? i tak pernah naik bus berdua dgn my boy. kalau i sorang step jambu tu ada lah. lol! looks like kak saly salah org. heeee!
Comment by natsuki — June 22, 2009 @ 5:20 pm
hehe, pelandok dua serupa kok? that mummy & boyboy alighted at Takashimaya
.
kalu stress, write down & protect password your entry. That’s what akak did and alhamdullilah, sedikit sebanyak, terkluar jugak feeling2 tu
heheh. Dah terluang, buang terus 
.
take care..
Comment by akak saly — June 22, 2009 @ 5:39 pm
oh babe what u wrote is exactly how i felt abt this friendship thingy. i am thankful that i still have my school mates (though not many) arnd with me. and some ex colleagues who turned frens. but as i get older, i realized that friends come and go. those who bother to stay are what i call loyal ones whom i will treasure as much. but at the end of the day, its the family that matter most and its the family that will stick to u no matter what. i understand, sometimes we meant well but the other party slalu fikir negative. kadang nak tegur pun jadi serba salah. padahal kita sayang and niat baik. but what to do, some are too egoistic to realise that they do have mistakes too. impt jgn bear grudges and move on with ur life. u ma fwen!
Comment by effa — June 22, 2009 @ 10:13 pm
Will you leave me? LOL.
Comment by Tunang America — June 23, 2009 @ 1:52 am
ah tol2 tu.. kwn dgn org yg jrg kite mit senang nak jaga. mcm aku ni ha! senang nak jaga. mkn kata. jinak kucing ni ehh kakakakaa.. jadi la gila mcm aku!
Comment by haney kitty — June 23, 2009 @ 9:59 am
to Kak Saly: So far Shibly and I belum pernah jalan berdua. i cannot imagine how it would be if i bring him out to town one day. Hmm…thanks for the pelanduk dua serupa incident. Maybe next month gaji i want to take leave and bring him out to town. Just the 2 of us! Heeee…but i need to take train or cab because i hv to bring stroller takut nanti dia penat jalan and insist to be dukung. i dah back to kudut and makin kudut lagik nanti! lol!
to Effa: glad tt you shared the same sentiments as me esp about what i’ve posted in this entry.
and you my fren too! :p
to Tunang America: i will leave you once i pay the shipping fees. LOL! by the way, Shibly got $10 from your dad tau when he came over to my mil’s place the other day. All because, your dad was wearing songkok and Shibly pun apa lagi, he angkat doa when your dad was about to leave the place. Guess that your dad mesti tak leh angkat tengok Shibly nye keletah. He was like so manja with your dad. Macam dah lama kenal gitu! Heheheheh.
to Haney Kitty: ko suka tukar2 nick? kat FB lain. Kat sini lain. Bagus ko. Mesti byk boipren kan ni takut kena tangkap basah, jadi kena tukar nick byk2. Heheheheh..ok joking. ya….you is my kitty. senang nak jaga and jarang jumpa!
Comment by natsuki — June 24, 2009 @ 10:26 am
Ehemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Comment by Crab — June 24, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
babe, i feel u. n i support ur words. i’ve been there done that too. nevertheless, i still loved the way u blog. just rant girl! hehe….
Comment by Rina — July 8, 2009 @ 1:26 am