Breastfeeding Mums say, ‘I would have given up without my partner’s support.’

Real Baby Milk Managing Director, Arwen Folkes, aged 32, found it incredibly difficult to feed her first baby, Milo. “I had great support from my husband. Without his encouragement I’d have never got through when it was really challenging in the beginning, without his encouragement I don’t think I would have succeeded.”  – This is true and it happened to me. Thank you hubby.

Breastfeeding mothers were asked last week by www.realbabymilk.org what were the best ways that their partners could lend a helping hand.

Most men enjoy helping and looking after their baby as much as women do. However, the closeness that breastfeeding mums enjoy excludes them from the feeding and nurturing their offspring and can leave some men feeling left out or redundant. However, only 30% said that they suspected that their partners would like them to bottle-feed instead so that they could feed their babies too.

Breastfeeding may look like ‘sitting around doing not very much’; in reality the demands can be exhausting with her baby’s needs taking up most of the hours of day and night. A mum’s routine is restricted round a continuous cycle of feed, wind, change, settle, sleep and with little respite in between. Husbands and partners play a huge part in enabling mums to breastfeed successfully for as long as they wish to do so. Their supportive role should not be underestimated. Women are not always good at identifying what their partners can do to be most helpful.

Bottle feeding is great because men can take part in helping you feed your baby, but does that mean that if you chose to breastfeed then you have to struggle on alone? Many women may complain that men have a ‘blind spot’ when it comes to household chores but they also acknowledge that a great partner is a great father and between, what may sound like nagging; they are often the unsung heroes of successful breastfeeding.

I’m very lucky, my husband is absolutely fantastic! When he comes home from work he gets ‘stuck in’ straight away. He recognises I’ve been working just as hard at home, feeding a baby and entertaining a toddler, as he has at work all day. We both know that once tea, bath and bedtime stories are out of the way we get our evening to ourselves.” – Anna Robinson (Age 27, breastfed for 6 ½ and 7 ½ months)

“When things were difficult in the early weeks and I got mastitis he would encourage me to keep going even when I begged him to get formula. He knew that breast feeding was what I wanted and sometimes had to be tough with me when I was ready to give in. I’m really grateful for that support as without it I wouldn’t have got through the early weeks. We agreed on what we both wanted to do before the birth and stuck to it”. – Claire Tapping (Age 32, breastfed for 9 ½ months)

Real Baby Milk’s ‘Top Tips for Dads’ are the frequently cited suggestions of 60 breastfeeding mothers. Most men would like to find the best way to support their breastfeeding partners but aren’t always sure of the best ways to do so.

Real Baby Milk Top 20 Tips for Dads.

1. Fetch a feeding cushion and help her position your new baby correctly. In the early days this is really helpful. (this one my laki ada buat jugak)

2. Make sure she is comfortable. Pass her the remote, telephone or cup of tea. Bring her drinks and snacks. See she has a glass of water at least to hand as breastfeeding can be thirsty work. (ni my laki ada malas sikit nak buat)

3. Picking up your baby in night and bring it over to her in the night for a feed is a small kindness. Offering to wind or settle the baby down afterwards will also be appreciated. Her rest is important as she also has the day ahead to cope with. (yg part ni, ada jugak lah dia buat tapi tak selalu)

4. Defend her choices with midwives and health visitors and make sure you know her own mind. Encourage her to stick with her choice to breastfeed when things are getting tough. She’ll thank you in the end if giving up is something you knew she would regret. (yang ini my laki ada buat)

5. Do the bath routine with your baby and getting them ready for bed. It’s great bonding time for dads. (yes he still did this till now)

6. Carry your baby in a sling and let them have as much skin-to-skin contact with you too. (yea ni pun my laki masih buat)

7. Compliment her on how well she is doing and how proud you are and field any negative comments that are made about breastfeeding and respond appropriately. (hmm…its true!)

8. Tell her she looks nice even when she is feeling awful. (errm…yg part ni my laki jarang2 cakap. most of the time he always say i look very bacin)

9. Do some household chores without being asked. (oh ho ho ho….yang ini TAK ADA pun!!)

10. Give her a chance to have a lie-in or take the baby out for a walk so she can rest. (grrr..ni takde!)

11. Cook a nice healthy, nutritious meal or leave her something tasty prepared in the fridge that she can microwave for her lunch time. (my laki tak pandai masak..tak macam yg si dektu??)

12. Cut up her dinner for her without having to be asked. Babies seem to have the instinct to feed just when it’s your meal time too. She’ll appreciate being able to feed herself with her one free hand. (so sad, this one also nope)

13. Change nappies and pack the baby bag for outings. (haaa..ni my laki dah lama tak take turn)

14. Do the shopping. It’s much quicker for you to do it than for her to have to take the baby with her.

15. Keep the older children entertained and busy so that she can feed in peace without being pestered by jealous siblings

16. Get rid of unwanted guests in the house at feeding times. Think about the tables you chose in cafes, and make sure she can breastfeed discreetly if she is uncomfortable doing so in public.

17. For long journeys, plan breastfeeding stops built in.

18. If she gives you a bottle of expressed milk then let her have the bit of well-deserved baby-free time to herself. A 20mins break might make the world of difference to her.

19. Make sure she has lots of chocolate available. Buy flowers and run a nice bath for her when she looks tired. 2

0. Don’t pester to get your sex life back on track.

Well, im back again with my B/F story.

Everytime during office hour, i would normally take a break about 20 minutes for my milking session. So per day, i need at least 2 times to pump out my milk. Nowadays, since my milk is decreasing, I will just do it once a day. It depends on my mood actually. Sometimes there are more, sometimes there are less. The milk will only produce more if I feel more relaxed but not when I’m stressed up at work.

After im done with everything, i would normally go to the pantry and washed whatever that is needed to be washed. So everytime any mary, jane and achi went to the pantry, they will bump into me and started with the very normal question ” Eh? You still breastfeeding?” And i told them yes.

So came this ‘experienced’ Ah Sor in my office telling me that breastfeeding is very good. She praised me for being a good mother and encouraged me to continue breastfeeding. Thank you! (lol).

This Ah-Soh is around late 40s or early 50s and told me about her wonderful experience of breastfeeding. She said that her mum used to breastfeed her and her siblings as they were very poor last time and there is no formula milk during their time. So they have to depends on their mum’s milk and all of them has grown healthy. She even adviced me to eat a lot of fish and soups and eat nutrious foods only. Everytime she saw me at the pantry, she will repeat the story again and again until i began to wonder, why she keep repeating about her mother? What happened to her then? Did she ever breastfeed her kids?

I wanted to ask her that soalan cepu emas but i decided not to. At the first place, she never mentioned anything about her children or spouse. It is always about her siblings and mother. So i assumed that she is not married even though she can be a grandmama. But ok lah. She’s cute lah at least she encouraged me to breastfeed my boy.

Then came this another lady. Same2 lah like that Ah sor age. Hers is very special because she started to talk about her past and how she used to breastfeed her son. She told me that she didn’t breastfeed for long because she realised that her milk turns to be yellow colour. Very sticky yellowish colour instead of the normal yellowish/white colour. I suspected that she may be referring to the colostrum,

The thin yellowish fluid secreted by the mammary glands at the time of parturition that is rich in antibodies and minerals, and precedes the production of true milk. Also called foremilk.

 She then thought that it was not healthy and decided to pump and throw the whole lot away. Everyday she suffered the same incident and decided to go to her gynae for help.

She was informed by her gynae that her case is very rare because not every woman is lucky to have that huge amount of foremilk. She got scolded by her gynae for throwing it away. If im not mistaken, that colostrum is found during the first few days of latching. I am still confused and till now, i am wondering if there is really such a milk?

Then the last thing i heard was that, she told me that she even went to  this so called organisation, it is something meant for those people who sufferred AIDS, its not breastfeeding association or quit smoking assosication, (lol) and i can’t remember what she did over there. It was strange but unique. But entah eh? I am not sure whether if this really happened and if she’s telling me the truth and nothing but the truth.

Then came another lady, telling me that i am very lucky because i still have milk! I asked her why is that so? Then she started to tell me that hers is useless even though she has big boobs but there is no milk! If you tell me this before im married, i would have believed you 100% ok? heheeheh. Ok then i just smiled and nodded to show that yeah i got you. Don’t worry. Lol.

Then next came another lady telling me that her baby doesn’t want her milk. I was shocked and asked her, WHY? I was told that, “my baby keep pushing my nipple away and showed a sign to vomit! I guess they are used with formula so i decided to stop giving my breastmilk”. Wahh…the way she talked to me like….” ya lor…like that lor…dont want then dont want lor….”

Then a friend told me that her case of not b/f her baby is because her baby cannot latch on her nipple cause she got BIG nipple. I then started to have that imaginary nipple to see how BIG is that BIG nipple? hmmmmm….

You see, i learn new things everyday, especially about breastfeeding issues. Different people with different reasons. Some are genuine and some are fakes. I prefer those who tell me that they are lazy and give up on b/f than to tell me 1001 reasons why they CANNOT b/f. It is okay. We’re all human beings and we are not here to judge others. It doesn’t mean that when you b/f, you are the most perfect mum in the world. Merepek lah ok?

So many stories and so many reasons. If i were to count that, it will never end. As the saying goes, aku peh suka ah nak breastfeed ke tak nak. Ko apa hal siak?

LOL!

Let me share with you the journey of my breastfeeding story for 18 mths (ya I know 18 mths is nothing but at least a little success for a first time mum like me and yang suka merokok dan berfoya foya dulu) lol!

If not because of my friends and family members’s support, I wouldn’t make it this far. And the first person that I would like to thank is my gf, Ima. She is the bestest gf since I was in Secondary One.

When I first gave birth to Shibly, I thought that breastfeeding is just another not so important issue and that it can be done on and off whenever I like. I thought that I have the power to control my milk and decide when I should give my boy and when is the time that I should relax. But boy, I was wrong.

 I was fortunate that Ima was with me during the first day of my labour. Right after when the nurse came in and told me to milk my boy, I thought of asking for formula since I wasn’t ready to breastfeed him. When the nurse left, Ima came to me and asked if I wanted to breastfeed him or decides on formula. And so I chose to feed him with formula milk but Ima told me that breastfeeding is good and that I should try to breastfeed him. Of course lah I was reluctant because I don’t know how it feels if Shibly sucks my nipple. Will it be very ticklish? Steamy and some other nonsense dirty thoughts that came through my mind. Will there be any milk on my breast?

 Ima then asked for my permission if she could teach me how to breastfeed. Again, I felt reluctant but then I slowly began to open up my mind and think positively. I loosened up my buttons and let her touched my breast. It was weird I tell you but I have no choice and let her demo how to get the milk out of my breast. I was really blur and she told me to turn and twist my nipple until the milk came out. Well, to make it short, she then asked me to carry Shibly and hold him near my breast. I then told her..”tak payah dulu lah. Shibly tgh tidur tu. Dia blum nak susu lagi.” (Padahal dah takut tau nak tetekan Shibly)

Right after I told Ima that, Shibly then cried. I was like lar macam tau pulak budak ni. So I brought him near to my breast and kept quiet. Ima then told me that I have to be very patience and not to give up on him. Again, I was really blur. I tried to bring his mouth closer to my nipple but Shibly doesn’t seem to respond. He just kept quiet and still searching on something to suck. I then realised that newborn baby need time to be introduced to a thing called nipple. Although they may learn to suck their thumb in our womb, that doesn’t mean that they automatically knows how to suck our nipple. I began to give up cause it was kinda of tiring and frustating to see him struggling on my breast and started to cry. But luck was on my side. About 5 minutes later, Shibly started to recognise my nipple and began to suck slowly. And when he suck, I felt very stiffed. I was afraid to move just in case Shibly started to feel irritated with the movement of my body. Ima then gave me a pat and praised Shibly for being such a clever baby. I was happy but still lost why she did that.

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